Schmancy Burger


I love burgers. But maybe constantly ingesting random combinations of beef and cheese with the occasional bacon, onion rings, and other funsies mixed in isn't the best idea. Luckily, there are other options. This particular burger is one of those options.

A couple of years ago, I stumbled upon a burger recipe that sounded moderately interesting. As is the case with all recipes, I gave it a once over and made something similar. I'm not one for following recipes or actually measuring what I put into preparing a meal. In other words, I'm a terrible baker. Luckily, outside of baked goods, my method seems to work more often than not (except for that time I accidentally put grass in tomato sauce, but that's another story for another day).

Here's what you will need to make your very own Schmancy Burgers:

~ Ground chicken or turkey

~ About half of a large yellow onion

~ Roughly 2/3 cup of bread crumbs (crushed pretzels has worked for me in a crunch {pun intended})

~ Raw spinach

~ Feta cheese crumbles

~ One egg

Decide how much spinach and feta you want to use and get that ready to go. The feta should be pretty well broken up, but you'll want to tear up the spinach before moving on to the next step. Grab yourself a large mixing bowl and dump in the poultry, onion, bread crumbs, egg, feta, and spinach. Get in there with your hands and mix it up until you have one gross-looking clump of not-yet-edible mess. Separate your clump into smaller clumps, rolling them into patties.

From here, it's your preferred method of cooking. Being in a city apartment, I often toss these suckers on a lightly oiled grill pan, cooking on some sweet grill marks and ensuring that the burgers are fully cooked. For the suburbanites with patios and yards, you can get your grill on outside. If neither of those are an option, you can cook them on a pan or bake them like a meatloaf. You have plenty of options. Just don't use the toaster.

To serve, slide these bad boys onto your favorite bun and you're good to go. To top them off, you can always use your favorite burger condiment, but I highly recommend a thickly-sliced orange tomato. Schmancy Burgers and orange tomatoes are meant to be together.

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Verb. 1) Pertaining to the behavior of being a Wittwer. 2) Doing odd things that only Wittwers would do. 3) Catchall phrase for the thoughts and actions of Patrick Wittwer.